Since I last wrote to you, I quit the job I hated and nyc was enveloped in spooky smoke clouds.
Two months into my gallery job I realized it was not for me. It was monotonous, and I often had hours upon hours of downtime. This may sound nice, and I was able to read whole books on the clock and even write my little Substack posts when no one was in on Saturdays, but I also felt my brain slowly rotting away like an uneaten cantaloupe abandoned on your kitchen countertop.
When there was stuff to do though, it was treated with such urgency I could not bring myself to match. To set the tone, I saw grown men running to bring the big boss a book lest he start yelling. Tucked away in the archive, we were forced to clean up the mess caused by higher up’s whims and disorganization, but at least I was never cursed out like the art handlers. I also realized that while I love reading about art and viewing thoughtfully curated shows, I didn’t feel the need to be behind the curtain.
It’s been three and a half months since I quit and I haven’t regretted it once. I’ve been interning at a literary scouting agency, which means I’m now paid to read and write reports, not too different to what I post here. That’s also the reason I took a break from Substack now that reviewing books has become part of my job. I have kept up with shorter blurbs on my “bookstagram,” so I thought I’d start off by compiling some of the books I’ve enjoyed these past months.
cokemachineglow: Writing about Music 205-2015 (Archway Editions)
Cokemachineglow was a Canadian music blog dedicated to music criticism, local music scene reportage, and interviews. Founded in 2002, it permanently shuttered at the end of 2015, but you can still access the archive. The book is a compilation of posts by a variety of their staff writers and was such a joy to read. It reminded me that criticism can be passionate, personal, humorous- and most importantly well written. I’m young enough to have missed the glory days of blogging, but we’re witnessing the attempted revival of that era’s ~vibes~. I don’t read much music journalism these days, but what I’ve come across feels so lifeless, removed, and also years behind. Cokemachineglow (the book because I can’t speak for the entire blog), was obnoxiously opinionated and I didn’t agree with all their takes, but what shines through is how much these writers fucking care about the music and this nerdy love informs their deep knowledge and writing, and their style and taste bleeds though the page.
Paradais by Fernanda Melchor (Literatura Random House)
This book had me sweating. It was haunting, gross, and tragic. Its depiction of disaffected male youth, on both economic extremes, was heavy as shit, but funny too. Paradais is a tale about maddening obsession, sheer desperation, and the “fuck it, why not” attitude that comes from the bleakness of poverty. She brilliantly captures what the excess of privilege or lack of opportunities might drive you to do and how quickly reality can get bent and screwed up.
Set in Mexico, in a fictional gated community called Paradais, Polo and “Fatboy” plot a sickening crime. As Polo recounts meeting Fatboy, we learn how he gets tricked into signing an exploitative work, where he starts spending his nights drinking away his sorrows with Fatboy (who pays for the alcohol), avoiding his verbally abusive mother and pregnant cousin. He slowly builds towards the night where what he envisions as a simple fix, spirals out of control. The escalation of their scheme and the subtle reveals from Polo’s past shocked and shook me.
The Possession by Annie Ernaux (Seven Stories Press)
In writing this now, I learned the French title actually translates to “the Occupation.” Our narrator, a middle-aged woman, has dumped her boyfriend, but when he starts dating another woman, she is seized with jealousy and possessiveness. Our narrator’s mind becomes overrun with thoughts about this other woman. Thinking about who she could be, what she looks like, and trying to pin down any detail about her becomes a full time a job.
I don’t need to tell you how spectacularly beautiful Ernaux’s writing is; she won the Nobel Prize in 2022 and frankly I haven’t read enough of her work to offer much of interest. But I will say, I was talking to a friend about this book and she commented about how sad it made her that someone that age could still be devoting so much emotional energy towards a breakup, but I felt the opposite after finishing this short book. I’ve always hated portrayals of wild women who become less fiery, dull versions of themselves as they age. The woman who eventually mellows out and settles down, looking back at her youth with a nostalgic shake of the head. I found this book refreshing in a way I’m struggling to put to words. I guess it was proof that no matter how many times you’ve loved and lost, real love can be passionate, lustful, and all-consuming and make you do crazy things even though you’ve matured enough to know those emotions might not be the healthiest. It felt rebellious.
Currently, I’m reading The Faces by Tove Ditlevsen (Fjord Pr), which I’m absolutely loving. I’ve also been thinking about how boring Brandy Melville has gotten and reminiscing on its glory days of graphic tees and boho dresses. I thought I might do a deep dive on the brand though the ages and I was banking on the Wayback Machine, but the last archived pages are from 2020…
I have been trying to find this shirt for over a year now! Manifesting it makes its way to me 🙏
I will leave you will some links:
I keep getting instagram ads for this soft backback by Ölend. I really want one and have seen more and more crossbody tote-type bags around the city- and I finally spotted this exact model on the G train the other day.
New favorite insult: thou stinkest!! These kids were ruthless and verbose. But for real, a subtle, but cutting insult I love is ‘booo.’
Last night I went on a deep dive of Venezuelan slang and idioms, and I came across this wonderful Tumblr by an artist who illustrates her Venezuelan husband’s sayings.
“De tal palo, tal astilla”
Other favorites of mine include, “morrocoy llamando a cachicamo conchudo” (pot calling the kettle black), “estar mosca” (translating to be fly- meaning be aware), “dejar el pelero” (to leave so fast you left your hair behind), and “Toma tu tomate!” (heckling exclamation you use when someone has something done to them they deserved, either physical or verbal.)
signing off for the long weekend. Comment below if you’ve been reading anything good and also your favorite refreshing summer beverage!
<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 Just started a Connie Converse biography by Howard Fishman called To Anyone Who Ever Asks: The Life, Music and Mystery of Connie Converse! I'll report back...
In the last month or so I've enjoyed Bodies: Life and Death in Music by Ian Winwood :-) Haven't been reading as much as I'd like to, been ~processing things and journaling,~ but hope to get back into a deeper rhythm soon!